The Passive Aggressive Pencils
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
It's fine.
I mean, if you want, I can write an essay detailing the extent to which I’m fine. I’ll even laminate the cover if you need me to do that, too. I don’t mind at all. If that’s what you need to prove that I’m fine, I’ll do it. Heck, I might even make it a book, find a publisher and go on Ellen to promote the release, proving how fine I am. I mean if that’s what you need. I’ll do it.
Procrastinators Pencils
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
Two weeks.
Go ahead, ask me anything. Invariably, the answer will be “two weeks.” Wondering when I’ll get my grades up? Two weeks. Get my grades up and start working out? Two weeks. Get my grades up, start working out, call my dad, visit my Nana in Florida, get married, buy a house, file for divorce, start my own business and run for office? Two weeks, pal. Two. Weeks.
First World Problems Pencils
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
AWWWWW....
I hear you're having a bad day. First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging. Plus, it’s 95 outside but you're shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your gluten-free muffin was the BEST gluten-free muffin you've ever had until you realized they gave you the one with almonds. And we both know you said NO NUTS.
Introvert Excuse Pencils
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
PEOPLE SUCK.
That’s why you prefer to stay inside with your stuffed animal collection. But sometimes it’s a little hard to admit that in public. So we’ve carefully crafted a few extremely plausible excuses to get you out of all those pesky social obligations. Like happy hour. Your niece’s school play. Office parties. Your wedding.
Grammar Police Pencils
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
Ahahaha. It’s so easy to get under your skin. Just wanted to shoot a quick message to let you know how impressed we all are that you finally figured out the difference between your and you’re. Welcome to the grammar club, smarty pants. But as a club member, you now have to quit whining about other people’s grammatical errors. Trust me on this point, you're still making some..
Cat People
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
I have a surpise for youuuu.... Darn it, where are you? Remember that time you told me you wished you could be a little policeman? I’m sure you said that. And I’ve got JUST the costume for that! Come on, kitty, kitty. My Instagram followers are waiting.
Dog People
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
Look, I don’t know if you know this about my dog, but he’s verrry gassy. So if you get a whiff of anything remotely off, it was the dog, ok? He’s also responsible for the missing cheesecake in the fridge. I don’t know how he does it! The scoundrel.
Boomers VS Millennials
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
With the two largest generations in history at each other’s virtual throats on social media, this is the most epic battle since white or wheat. Who’s more entitled? Who’s more maligned? And does it even matter? HEY. Of course it does. Ask any one of them. But really. Pass the popcorn. This is some serious entertainment.
Zero Fucks
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
We hear you. You're so over it you can't even. This newly-concocted bad attitude is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, none of us really liked it when you were just a simple, caring, average Joe. So kudos to you! Even though you couldn't give a F. We know. Fresh out.
Truth
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
Hey, wouldn’t it be nice if people just told the truth every once in a while? I mean, nobody wants to hear that Susan thinks your baby is weird looking, but does she have to go on and on about how ADORABLE he is, only to snicker with the entire Human Resources department behind your back? Susan, Susan, Susan. Just wait til you have a baby.
Office
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
It’s Monday again. Feels like I just clocked out. Know what I love about Mondays? Nothing. In fifteen minutes, I’ll be sleeping with my eyes open for an hour-long meeting about employee morale followed by a “surprise” birthday cake and card everyone half-heartedly signs while doing a slow eye-roll. Which is the same eye-roll I’ll be making when I read it, ‘cuz it’s my birthday and even that won’t fix a Monday.
Little White Lies
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
I looooove working out. If I could, I would do it 24/7. It’s just that I have all these obligations and such since I took that sabbatical from work. Oh, yeah, technically they called it “fired” but I was going to take a creative break anyway. And I LOVE my free time! I mean, I don’t really have any, of course, and that’s why I’m not hitting the gym at the moment....
I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK.
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
Absolute genius last words to carve onto your gravestone. Why bother with father, mother, son, daughter? Beloved pet, bah! Boring. Really, the only proper way to go out is to get the very last word. That, or leave them wondering for all eternity. Who dis?
MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
You must be completely delusional if you think I’m a waiter, pal. In fact, I could argue that your very existence is at the mercy of my skilled, capable hands right now. So too bad if you don’t like the green Jell-o. Shut your trap and maybe I’ll come back to check on you. Key word: maybe.
Nurses Pencils
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A BONE-DRY HACK?
So the wordsmith’s well has run dry? Try this pack of Writer’s Block pencils. If these pencils don’t help you churn out regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire, I’ll eat my hat. It’s a fedora, by the way. Cool vampires wear fedoras now. Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. Or in your book. Either way, you’re gonna need these pencils ASAP. Even crap won’t write itself.
Writer's Block Pencils
8-pack Standard No. 2 Pencils
What forms of payment do you take?
We accept PayPal, Klarna & Afterpay and shopify pay. When you place an order on our website, your payment method will be charged at the time of purchase.
I’ve just placed an order. How long will it take to ship my order?
Our typical processing time is 2-3 business days. During busier periods, shipping exclusives and holidays this time may extend up to 5-7 business days.
We don’t not ship during weekends or holidays, please take this into consideration when placing orders.
I’ve just received my order and I have damaged or missing items. What do I do?
Please reach out to us within 7 days of receiving your order at contact@eight3five.com.
Please include your name, address and order number so we can confirm your order details and resolve the issue asap.
For missing items please include pictures of the shipping box and items received. For damaged items please provide images of the shipping box and the broken items.
I have emailed you, how long does it take to hear back?
Please allow up 2-3 business days for one of our team members to respond. If you’re trying to return or report a damage or loss the date you emailed will be taken into account as the timeframe date on any returns or concerns regarding orders.
Our team do not respond to emails on weekends or holidays, please have patience and we will get back to you.
I have contacted you on Instagram/Facebook/TikTok and didn’t hear back. Why not?
For privacy and protection purposes please email us at contact@eight3five.com. We cannot discuss personal information or divulge details about an order through our social channels.
Preorders
I’ve preordered an item and it’s delayed. Why do you not have any updates?
We release updates as we receive them from the manufacturers. If we have not updated our preorders page this means we do not have any update from the manufacturer.
Unfortunately with all preorders there is always a risk of delays, especially with more complex designs.
If you are not happy to wait for your preorder, please contact us and we can cancel and refund the full amount.
For most recent updates on our preorders please visit our updates page here.
I’ve ordered a preorder and it’s delayed. Can I cancel?
Yes, absolutely. Email us and we will cancel and refund back to your original payment method.
I’ve ordered a preorder and they’re sold out. Am I guaranteed the item?
If you place and complete your order and have a confirmation email, your order for a preordered product is guaranteed.
Your exclusive is sold out. Will it restock?
Unless otherwise noted, we never restock our exclusives.
We release them on a limited edition basis and do not restock.
Collectibles & Licensed Products
Are your products Authentic/Licensed?
Yes! Absolutely. All of our collectibles are authentic from the original maker/manufacturer or from an authorised reseller. We don't deal in fakes. Our bags and licensed items are also all officially licensed from reputable companies.
Are your collectibles in stock?
Unless otherwise noted in the product description as a Preorder or coming soon, everything listed for sale is in stock and will ship within 2-3 business days.
Shipping & Returns
If you select next day or 2 day shipping, please allow processing time of 24-48 business hours.
Where does Eight3Five ship to?
We ship to all 50 states.
Do you ship internationally?
We currently only ship within the USA and Canada. For Loungefly purchases in Europe please visit our partner website www.hooksuk.co.uk
What is your return policy?
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All returns must be requested within 21 days from the date of receipt of the goods.
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We do not offer free returns. If you wish to return an item please contact us at contact@eight3five.com in order to initiate a return.
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If your item has arrived damaged or defective, please contact us with photos at contact@eight3five.com so we can assess the damage and offer the best available options.
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Merchandise must have all tags attached and be returned in their original packaging.
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Shipping charges are not refundable.
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Upon receipt of returned goods Eight3five reserves the right to deny a refund if the merchandise does not meet return policy requirements.
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Once foods are received please allow 2-3 business days for your item(s) to be inspected and refunded.
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We cannot be responsible for damaged boxes. We do everything within our power to make sure your items are well packaged, however, we understand that not all mail carriers treat our packages with the same care and attention as we would like. If an item arrives badly damaged please contact us with your name, email, order number and photos of the damage at contact@eight3five.com and we will assess damage on a case by case basis. We understand that the box/packaging is art itself, however, Eight3five Inc will not exchange/return an item due to defective/damaged packaging and cannot replace packaging.
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Due to hygiene reasons we cannot accept returns on underwear, socks & Earrings.
Do I need to sign for my Eight3five package?
For select high value items we will request a signature on delivery.
I don't see a refund on my credit card. What should I do now?
It typically takes 5-7 business days for a refund to show up on a credit card. If it has been longer than 10 business days and you do not see the refund, please email us at contact@eight3five.com with your name, order number, tracking return information, and the items you returned. We aim to respond within 24-48 hours.
What if my Eight3five order is lost?
If by chance a package is lost in transit we are happy to work with you to resolve the issue but we kindly ask that you must report your lost package to the carrier before reaching out to Contact@eight3five.com.
Please notify us within 7 days of lost or missing packages.
We cannot be held responsible for porch pirates. If your package is over $100 in value and marked as delivered, a police report is required by the shipping carrier to submit a loss.
Is it possible to modify my order once it is placed?
Once you have placed your order we have a limited time to cancel or modify orders. Please reach out to us immediately if you wish to cancel or modify your order.
How do I track my Eight3five order once it is placed?
Once your order has been shipped, you will be sent a shipping confirmation email including the tracking number for your package.
Promotion Policies
Where do I enter a promo code?
Please enter your promotional code in the box that says “Discount code” on the checkout page and hit the “Apply” button.
How many promo codes can I enter?
Only one promotional code will be honored per order.
The Discount code I have doesn't work.
We reserve the right to limit the use of our discount codes. We currently do not offer discount codes for our limited edition, collectible & exclusive items.
Contact Us
For customer inquiries regarding recent orders, shipping, or processing a return, please email us at contact@eight3five.com. Please allow 24-48 hours for a team member to get back to you.
EIGHT3FIVE INC RESERVES THE RIGHT TO CANCEL/REFUND ORDERS AT ANYTIME DUE TO STOCK LIMITATIONS, QUALITY PROBLEMS, INACCURATE INFORMATION FROM CUSTOMER, FRAUD RISK ANALYSIS OR ANY OTHER REASON.
