It's a snow day somewhere....
But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people’s children AND their classroom shenanigans. And it’s not that you don’t love teaching. It’s more that nobody truly appreciates all the garbage you go through just to do your job. Isn’t it time people started thanking YOU for YOUR service?
The Middle Child
Who are you again?
The only thing worse than being unnoticed is still being unnoticed when your hair is neon pink and you dress like you're in the Matrix. Um, hello? Being the first child ain't all that. The only people who think so are #1. my older siblings and #2. my dumb parents. And I haven't even gotten to the part about the (cry)baby of the family. Oy.
Smells like drool.
But you're used to that, right? In fact, if I had to guess I'd say your dog is probably sitting in the tub with you right now. Not that I blame you. My dog Charlie is tucked in bed with me right now. And we're wearing matching dog bone jammies.
I'm not saying yoga pants make you look 20% hotter, but I'm not saying they don't, either. So let's all take a moment to silently express our gratitude for yoga pants. And by "silently express," of course I mean post that shiznit immediately to your IG, FB and Twitter accounts. It's not going to post itself, darling. Then go make yourself a green smoothie and meditate on how much more evolved you are than the rest of the great unwashed.
Smells like a locked door.
Don't get me wrong, kids, of COURSE I love you. I mean, I created you! You're the reason I get out of bed every morning (not usually by choice) and you're the lights of my life! But for the love of Pinot Grigio, can you just give me one single half hour of complete silence?
Your cats are circling the tub, but don't count on them joining you unless you really are bathing in warm milk. And maybe you are. You cat people are cuh-razy. I should know. I have 14. What? Don't judge. My house may be full of hairballs and cat toys, but at least they don't leave the toilet seat up. Most days.
None to give.
We hear you. You're so over it you can't even. This newly-concocted bad attitude is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, none of us really liked it when you were just a simple, caring, average Joe. So kudos to you! Even though you couldn't give a F. We know. None to give.
It's Only Freaking Tuesday
How is it only TUESDAY? It's been a full year since the work week started. I swear I can feel each individual cell in my body slowly dying to the beat of that annoying wall clock. And Glen in the next cubicle. Ghod. If he doesn't stop loudly smacking his gum and clicking his pen like some kind of deranged one-man band hoping for a record deal that will never happen, I'm going to write a scathing anonymous note about gum chewing and post it on the bulletin board with all my other scathing anonymous notes.
Who you calling old?
Not me, pal. I'm 21. I've been 21 for years and I'm not about to make any abrupt changes now. Hey! Put that fancy calculator away. Don't you know I still shop at Forever 21? It's called that for a REASON. Now buy me a shot and shut your trap.
It's ten a.m. somewhere.
Honestly, Saturdays were made for day drinking. And Sundays. And Fridays and Mondays and Thursdays. But don't feel guilty about it. It's exactly like going to brunch, except hold the chicken and waffles. You don't want all that heavy grease and gluten screwing with your buzz anyway.
What forms of payment do you take?
We accept PayPal, Klarna & Afterpay and shopify pay. When you place an order on our website, your payment method will be charged at the time of purchase.
I’ve just placed an order. How long will it take to ship my order?
Our typical processing time is 2-3 business days. During busier periods, shipping exclusives and holidays this time may extend up to 5-7 business days.
We don’t not ship during weekends or holidays, please take this into consideration when placing orders.
I’ve just received my order and I have damaged or missing items. What do I do?
Please reach out to us within 7 days of receiving your order at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Please include your name, address and order number so we can confirm your order details and resolve the issue asap.
For missing items please include pictures of the shipping box and items received. For damaged items please provide images of the shipping box and the broken items.
I have emailed you, how long does it take to hear back?
Please allow up 2-3 business days for one of our team members to respond. If you’re trying to return or report a damage or loss the date you emailed will be taken into account as the timeframe date on any returns or concerns regarding orders.
Our team do not respond to emails on weekends or holidays, please have patience and we will get back to you.
I have contacted you on Instagram/Facebook/TikTok and didn’t hear back. Why not?
For privacy and protection purposes please email us at email@example.com. We cannot discuss personal information or divulge details about an order through our social channels.
I’ve preordered an item and it’s delayed. Why do you not have any updates?
We release updates as we receive them from the manufacturers. If we have not updated our preorders page this means we do not have any update from the manufacturer.
Unfortunately with all preorders there is always a risk of delays, especially with more complex designs.
If you are not happy to wait for your preorder, please contact us and we can cancel and refund the full amount.
For most recent updates on our preorders please visit our updates page here.
I’ve ordered a preorder and it’s delayed. Can I cancel?
Yes, absolutely. Email us and we will cancel and refund back to your original payment method.
I’ve ordered a preorder and they’re sold out. Am I guaranteed the item?
If you place and complete your order and have a confirmation email, your order for a preordered product is guaranteed.
Your exclusive is sold out. Will it restock?
Unless otherwise noted, we never restock our exclusives.
We release them on a limited edition basis and do not restock.
Collectibles & Licensed Products
Are your products Authentic/Licensed?
Yes! Absolutely. All of our collectibles are authentic from the original maker/manufacturer or from an authorised reseller. We don't deal in fakes. Our bags and licensed items are also all officially licensed from reputable companies.
Are your collectibles in stock?
Unless otherwise noted in the product description as a Preorder or coming soon, everything listed for sale is in stock and will ship within 2-3 business days.
Shipping & Returns
If you select next day or 2 day shipping, please allow processing time of 24-48 business hours.
Where does Eight3Five ship to?
We ship to all 50 states.
Do you ship internationally?
We currently only ship within the USA and Canada. For Loungefly purchases in Europe please visit our partner website www.hooksuk.co.uk
What is your return policy?
- All returns must be requested within 21 days from the date of receipt of the goods.
- We do not offer free returns. If you wish to return an item please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org in order to initiate a return.
- If your item has arrived damaged or defective, please contact us with photos at email@example.com so we can assess the damage and offer the best available options.
- Merchandise must have all tags attached and be returned in their original packaging.
- Shipping charges are not refundable.
- Upon receipt of returned goods Eight3five reserves the right to deny a refund if the merchandise does not meet return policy requirements.
- Once foods are received please allow 2-3 business days for your item(s) to be inspected and refunded.
- We cannot be responsible for damaged boxes. We do everything within our power to make sure your items are well packaged, however, we understand that not all mail carriers treat our packages with the same care and attention as we would like. If an item arrives badly damaged please contact us with your name, email, order number and photos of the damage at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will assess damage on a case by case basis. We understand that the box/packaging is art itself, however, Eight3five Inc will not exchange/return an item due to defective/damaged packaging and cannot replace packaging.
- Due to hygiene reasons we cannot accept returns on underwear, socks & Earrings.
Do I need to sign for my Eight3five package?
For select high value items we will request a signature on delivery.
I don't see a refund on my credit card. What should I do now?
It typically takes 5-7 business days for a refund to show up on a credit card. If it has been longer than 10 business days and you do not see the refund, please email us at email@example.com with your name, order number, tracking return information, and the items you returned. We aim to respond within 24-48 hours.
What if my Eight3five order is lost?
If by chance a package is lost in transit we are happy to work with you to resolve the issue but we kindly ask that you must report your lost package to the carrier before reaching out to Contact@eight3five.com.
Please notify us within 7 days of lost or missing packages.
We cannot be held responsible for porch pirates. If your package is over $100 in value and marked as delivered, a police report is required by the shipping carrier to submit a loss.
Is it possible to modify my order once it is placed?
Once you have placed your order we have a limited time to cancel or modify orders. Please reach out to us immediately if you wish to cancel or modify your order.
How do I track my Eight3five order once it is placed?
Once your order has been shipped, you will be sent a shipping confirmation email including the tracking number for your package.
Where do I enter a promo code?
Please enter your promotional code in the box that says “Discount code” on the checkout page and hit the “Apply” button.
How many promo codes can I enter?
Only one promotional code will be honored per order.
The Discount code I have doesn't work.
We reserve the right to limit the use of our discount codes. We currently do not offer discount codes for our limited edition, collectible & exclusive items.
For customer inquiries regarding recent orders, shipping, or processing a return, please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please allow 24-48 hours for a team member to get back to you.
EIGHT3FIVE INC RESERVES THE RIGHT TO CANCEL/REFUND ORDERS AT ANYTIME DUE TO STOCK LIMITATIONS, QUALITY PROBLEMS, INACCURATE INFORMATION FROM CUSTOMER, FRAUD RISK ANALYSIS OR ANY OTHER REASON.