WHISKEY RIVER Bath Bombs

$9.99

Teachers

It's a snow day somewhere....

But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people’s children AND their classroom shenanigans. And it’s not that you don’t love teaching. It’s more that nobody truly appreciates all the garbage you go through just to do your job. Isn’t it time people started thanking YOU for YOUR service?

 

The Middle Child

Who are you again?

The only thing worse than being unnoticed is still being unnoticed when your hair is neon pink and you dress like you're in the Matrix. Um, hello? Being the first child ain't all that. The only people who think so are #1. my older siblings and #2. my dumb parents. And I haven't even gotten to the part about the (cry)baby of the family. Oy.

Dog People

Smells like drool.

But you're used to that, right? In fact, if I had to guess I'd say your dog is probably sitting in the tub with you right now. Not that I blame you. My dog Charlie is tucked in bed with me right now. And we're wearing matching dog bone jammies.

 

Namaste

Ommmm.

I'm not saying yoga pants make you look 20% hotter, but I'm not saying they don't, either. So let's all take a moment to silently express our gratitude for yoga pants. And by "silently express," of course I mean post that shiznit immediately to your IG, FB and Twitter accounts. It's not going to post itself, darling. Then go make yourself a green smoothie and meditate on how much more evolved you are than the rest of the great unwashed.

 

What Kids

Smells like a locked door.

Don't get me wrong, kids, of COURSE I love you. I mean, I created you! You're the reason I get out of bed every morning (not usually by choice) and you're the lights of my life! But for the love of Pinot Grigio, can you just give me one single half hour of complete silence?

 

Cat People

Mrrrow.

Your cats are circling the tub, but don't count on them joining you unless you really are bathing in warm milk. And maybe you are. You cat people are cuh-razy. I should know. I have 14. What? Don't judge. My house may be full of hairballs and cat toys, but at least they don't leave the toilet seat up. Most days.

 

Zero Fucks

None to give.

We hear you. You're so over it you can't even. This newly-concocted bad attitude is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, none of us really liked it when you were just a simple, caring, average Joe. So kudos to you! Even though you couldn't give a F. We know. None to give.

 

It's Only Freaking Tuesday

Ugggggh.

How is it only TUESDAY? It's been a full year since the work week started. I swear I can feel each individual cell in my body slowly dying to the beat of that annoying wall clock. And Glen in the next cubicle. Ghod. If he doesn't stop loudly smacking his gum and clicking his pen like some kind of deranged one-man band hoping for a record deal that will never happen, I'm going to write a scathing anonymous note about gum chewing and post it on the bulletin board with all my other scathing anonymous notes.

 

Birthday Blues

Who you calling old?

Not me, pal. I'm 21. I've been 21 for years and I'm not about to make any abrupt changes now. Hey! Put that fancy calculator away. Don't you know I still shop at Forever 21? It's called that for a REASON. Now buy me a shot and shut your trap.

 

Day Drinking

It's ten a.m. somewhere.

Honestly, Saturdays were made for day drinking. And Sundays. And Fridays and Mondays and Thursdays. But don't feel guilty about it. It's exactly like going to brunch, except hold the chicken and waffles. You don't want all that heavy grease and gluten screwing with your buzz anyway.


-What forms of payment do you take?

All payments are processed using Paypal Payflow or Afterpay, for payment installments. When you place an order on our website, we will charge your credit card once we have verified your card details, received credit authorization, confirmed stock availability, and your order is ready to be shipped. If you are having difficulty processing payment, please email us at contact@eight3five.com.

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1 BUSINESS DAY

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UPS Next Day Air Early

12 PM EST

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1 BUSINESS DAY

 

Please Note: We do our best to ship all orders placed by 12 Noon EST on the same day, however, during busier holiday hours this is not guaranteed. 

Please allow time to ship accordingly. 

-Where does Eight3Five ship to?

We ship to all 50 states.

-Do you ship internationally?

We are working on international shipping solutions. In the meantime we can provide shipping quotes if you contact us with your shipping address and the items you will like to purchase at contact@eight3five.com

 

-What is Eight3five’s return policy?

Please note our return policy:

  • All returns must be requested within 21 days from the date of receipt.
  • We do not offer free returns. If you wish to return an item please ship it tracked to: 33104 Town Green Drive, Elmsford, NY 10523. Any costs for returns are the buyers responsibility. 
  • Cost of shipping will be deducted from all returns. 
  • We will not accept merchandise that has been worn, altered, or washed.
  • Merchandise must have all tags attached.
  • All items should be returned in their original packaging.
  • Shipping charges are not refundable.
  • Upon receipt of returned goods Eight3five reserves the right to deny a refund if the merchandise does not meet return policy requirements.
  • We cannot be responsible for damaged boxes. We do everything within our power to make sure your items are well packaged, however, we understand that not all mail carriers treat our packages with the same care and attention as we would like. If an item arrives badly damaged please contact us with your name, email, order number and photos of the damage at contact@eight3five.com and we will assess damage on a case by case basis. We understand that the box/packaging is art itself, however, Eight3five Inc will not exchange/return an item due to defective/damaged packaging.
  • Due to hygiene reasons we cannot accept returns on underwear, socks & earrings. 

-Do I need to sign for my Eight3five package?

No.

-What if my Eight3five order is lost?

If by chance a package is lost in transit we are happy to work with you to resolve the issue but we kindly ask that you must report your lost package to the carrier before reaching out to contact@eight3five.com

Porch Pirates - if a package is lost or stolen upon delivery, please contact the carrier directly. We cannot be held responsible for packages stolen after delivery. Please be advised that carriers require a safe place to deliver items if you will not be at the delivery address at time of delivery. 


-Is it possible to modify my order once it is placed?


Once you have submitted your order, we have limited ability to make modifications. Please contact as soon as possible at orders@eight3five.com with any requests.

Preorders have a 3 day cooling off period, after which time we cannot cancel preorders. 

-How do I track my Eight3five order once it is placed?

Once your order has been shipped, you will be sent a shipping confirmation email including the tracking number for your package.

We gathered up our favorite fun finds for those of all ages. We relish in bringing our favorite TV and movie characters to life and we hold a special place in our hearts for cats, coffee, and generally cool stuff.

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